Sunday, February 27, 2005

i just got a new phone! my father was nice and got me a 6230...my sister got a mini ipod!! i think both items were on offer or something...300+ each for both items. i think they struck the lottery or something secretly...

this weeks been fun! actually the academic parts were a little disappointing in the sense that they were still as boring, but i always look forward to breaks and chem lectures where i can sit behind with kenneth. but there was this particular day after chem lecture there was math lecture, and kenneth's class left and i went to sit with the neighbouring class, so3Q i think. then their really strict teacher wrote down my name :O!!!

and i got into dance SYF...well not so much 'got into', there were no auditions cuz they're too few guys. but i decided that SYF should take priority over soccer. its not too bad, at least we have bamboo poles to play around with. we'll be performing the SYF dance, which is a modern dance, on dance night....so you all can see it. simple minded people like cedric probably wont know whats going on. ;D

oh yes...im like really in a fix. there's this soccer camp coming up from the 13-16th of march and i dont wanna go!! and i've yet to explain to both soccer coaches that i'll quit if i get into council...its so difficult to tell them such things. fortunately there are only 40 places available for both j1 and j2, so if you delay you wont have the opportunity to go, even if you wanted to. heh heh.

oh and i think i've solved the problem of this nagging desire to get attached..and im learning to enjoy normal friendships! also..i've been talking to this certain NUN which doesn't see ANY benefits of getting attached. i was feeling puzzled cus im sure everyone finds the idea of getting attached tempting at some point, so i asked her why people got married! the reply was, 'well, when you're married you don't have to stay alone. And i suppose at least one person remembers your birthday. Eh thats about it' hahaha i really laughed like mad...such people will get slaughtered by the government...

and currently i like jason wongs nick of 'i shall worry 10 minutes before 2pm on monday'. that shall be my mentality too hehh heh. anyway...here's a dream i'd like to share.

As christians, we know certain things such as "jesus loves me" and "christ did for us sinners". we've heard these statements countless times, but the dust of familiarity can dim the glory of these simple truths. We have to brush them off and remind ourselves of their live transforming power.

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In that place between wakefulness and dreams, i found myself in the room. there were no distinguishing features save for the one wall covered with small index-card files.

they were like the ones in libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order, but these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling and seemingly endlessly in either direction, had very different headings. As i drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was the one that read "Girls i have liked". i opened it and began flipping through the cards. i quickly shut it, shocked to realize that i recognized the names written on each one.

and then without being told, i knew exactly where i was. this lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalogue system for my life. here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a detail my memory couldn't match.

a sense of wonder and curiosity, coupled with horror, stirred within me as i began randomly opening files and exploring their contents. some brought joy and sweet memories, others a sense of shame and regret so intense that i would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching.

the titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird: "books i have read," "lies i have told," comfort i have given,""jokes i have laughed at." some were almost hilarious in their exactness: "things i've yelled at my brothers". Others i couldn't laugh at: "things i have done in anger,""things i have muttered under my breath at my parents." i never ceased to be surprised by the contents. often there were many more cards than i expected. sometimes there were fewer than i hoped.

i was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life i had lived. could it be possible that i had the time in my twenty years to write each of these thousands, possibly millions, of cards? but each card confirmed this truth. Each was written in my own handwriting. Each signed with my signature.

when i pulled out the file marked "Songs i have listened to," i realised the files grew to contain their contents. the cards were packed tightly, and yet after two or three metres, i hadn't found the end of the file. i shut it, shamed, not so much by the quality of music, but more by the vast amount of time i knew that file represented.

when i came to a file marked 'lustful thoughts', i felt a chill run through my body. i pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test its size, and drew out a card. i shuddered at its detailed contents. i felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded.

suddenly i felt an almost animal rage. one thought dominated my mind:'No one must ever see these cards! no one must ever see this room! i have to destroy them!" in an insane frenzy i yanked the file out. its size didn't matter now. i had to empty it and burn the cards. but as i took the file at one end and began pounding it on the floor, i could not dislodge a single card. i became desperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when i tried to tear it.

defeated and utterly helpless, i returned the file to its slot. leaning my forehead against the wall, i left out a long, self-pitying sigh. and then i saw it. the title bore "people i have shared the gospel with". the handle was brigheter than those aroudn it, newer, almost unused. i pulled on its handle and a small box not more than 3 inches long fll into my hands. i could count the cards it contained on one hand.

and then the tears came. i began to weep. sobs so deep that the hrut started in my stomach and shook through me. i fell on my knees and cried. i cried out of hsame, from the overwhelming shame of it all. the rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes. no one must ever, ever know of this room. i must lock it up and hide the key.

but then as i pushed away the tears. i saw Him. No, please, not Him. Not here. Oh, anyone but Jesus.

i watched helplessly as He began to open the files and read the cards. i coudln't bear to watch His response. ANd in the moments i could bring myself to look at His face, i saw a sorrow deper than my own. He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes. Why did He have to read every one?

Finally He turned and looked at me from across the room. HE looked at me with pity in His eyes. But this was a pity that didn't anger me. i dropped my head, covered my face with my hands,and began to cry again. He walked over and put His arm around me. He could have said so many things. But he didn't say a word. He just cried with me.

Then he got up and walked back to the wall of files. Starting at one end of the room. He took out a file and, one by one, began to sign His anme over mine on each card.

"No!" i shouted, rushing to Him. All ic ould find to say was "no, no", as a pillued the card from Him. HIs name shouldn't be on these cards. But there it was, written in red so rich, so dark, so alive. THe name of Jesus covered mine. it was written with His blood.

He gently took the card back. He smiled a sad smile and continued to sign the cards.. i dont think i'll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but the next instant it seemed i heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side. He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, "it is finished".

I stood up, and He led me out of the room. THere was no lock on the door. THere were still cards to be written.

****

actually, this isn't my dream ;P ahhaha. Its a more than heart-warming story. it's not imaginary, the dream is a picture of what CHrist truly accomplished when He died on the cross. He literally took our guilt on Himself. And this meant much more than having His name on a card. It meant receiving the punishment from God that all those sinful words, thoughts and actions deserved.

Here is whats important to understand: it is only by repenting of our sins and putting our faith in Christ that this substitution can take place. We each have a 'room' containing all our sinful deeds and thoughts. but just because we admit thsi or feel bad about it doesn't mean we're forgiven. Remorse can't save anyone. Only faith in Christ can. Only trust in His death and resurrection for us.

yeah..cool huh. anyway....this is a special note for my dear nun. Early in his marriage, REverend E.V.Hill and his wife, Jane, faced financial difficulty. He had foolishly invested in a service station, and the business had failed. Money was very tight. Dr Dobson, who heard REverend Hill share their story at Jane's funeral, recounts it this way.

Shortly after the fiasco with the service station, E.V. came home one night and found the house dark. When he opened the door, he saw that Jane had prepared a candle-light dinner for two.

"what meaneth thou this" he said with characteristic humour.

"well," said Jane, "we're going to eat by candlelight tonight".

E.V. thought that this was a great idea and went into the bathroom to wash his hands. He tried unsuccessfully to turn on the light. THe he felt his way into the bedroom and flipped another switch. Darkness prevailed. the young pastor went back to the dining room and asked Jane why the electricity was off. She began to cry.

"you work so hard, and we're trying," said Jane, "but its pretty rough. i didn't have quite enough money to pay the light bill. I didn't want you to know about it, so i thought we would jsut eat by candlelight".

Dr Hill described his wife's words with intense emotion: She could have said "i've never been in this situation before.. I was reared in the home of Dr Caruthers, and we never had our lights cut off. " she could have broken my spirit; she could have ruined me; she could have demoralized me. but instead she said, "somehow or antoher we'll get these lights on. But lets eat tonight by candlelight".

so, ms nun!! Mrs Hill's optimism and readines to walk through tough times with her husband exemplify the 2 qualities i desire in my own life and pray for most in a wife. So, i think for all of us, our future spouses should be someone who will light candles, and not just curse the darkness.

:)

matthew admired God's creations at 4:20 PM [comment]

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Saturday, February 19, 2005

the 4P table....only yuancai looks nice.  

matthew admired God's creations at 1:50 PM [comment]

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hahahha i dont believe this happened.... 

matthew admired God's creations at 1:49 PM [comment]

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weiling and the KILLER BROOM 

matthew admired God's creations at 1:48 PM [comment]

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gerbert and the REAL rain dance 

matthew admired God's creations at 1:48 PM [comment]

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the soccer match today was quite cool...we played against the j3/j4s of RJ soccer team. there were 3 halves in all, and the J2s played against them first. the J2s played really well...they won 4-1 i think. then the J1s played 1 half, and we lost 3-5! but engsuan scored a wonder free kick...like from the half way line he whacked it to the top left hand corner. :O!

this weeks been pretty uneventful i guess, but i really am starting to like JC life...but i think jialun's quote was really coool, the one about looking back on laughter and crying. i really miss my RI days and cedric's current display picture really gives me a sense of nostalgia..and he admitted he missed sitting next to me. HAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaa :D

now there's a dilemma, i've been thinking of joining council cus its a new 'type' of CCA. my parents'd also like me to try something else besides a sport. and if i were to manage to get into council, i'd have to quit soccer. and plus, there are spaces for guys in dance SYF now, so if i were to manage to get into dance SYF (which is a really practical choice), i wouldn't be able to attend saturday soccer trainings. this would imply that i won't be able to progress much and i'd also be skipping the most fun trainings. coach wouldn't be impressed with my priorities either...so if everything works out really well, really miraculously, i'll quit soccer and hope to get into SYF and council. but im not realyl sure if i am able to undertake the responsibilities involved, cus i've not much leadership experience. i'll have to pray about it!

recently i think i've been having trouble trusting God... and this is an excerpt from mr harris which so efficiently summarises everything.

"when it comes to my 'love life', i have a nagging fear that he wants to keep my single forever. or if i fear that if He lets me marry, He'll match me up with some girl to whom I wont feel attracted to.

i know these worries are silly. in my better moments i admit i haven't based these fears on the reality of the loving caring Father in heaven that i've come to know. but even though i know He's a good God, i often allow my lack of faith to affect the way i approach this whole thing.

i fear that God might forget me. instead of trusting in His perfect timing, i often try to take things into my own hands. i grab my life's calendar from God and frantically begin to pencil in my own plans and agenda. 'God, i know your omnipotent and all that," i say, 'but i really think You missed the fact that this girl over here is my destiny. If i dont go after her now, my future will pass me by!" eventually i sheepishly hand back the scheduling of my time, energy and attention, saying " of course i trust you Lord, but i think You could use a little help' "

i think this is so true for what a lot of us face, and i think i need help in trusting God. and yet at the same time...i have this nagging desire to involve myself in a premature 'love life'.

hai.

matthew admired God's creations at 12:38 PM [comment]

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Wednesday, February 09, 2005

me and qishao 

matthew admired God's creations at 6:38 PM [comment]

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caleb and jiajia 

matthew admired God's creations at 6:37 PM [comment]

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me, ying, mike. check out the shutterfly link for the rest! 

matthew admired God's creations at 6:32 PM [comment]

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Tuesday, February 08, 2005

haahah the soccer JC1 team lost to the teachers by 4 goals to 2. it was alll going well at first..i didn't really see the goals but i know lokesh and damian scored (i think), so we were 2-0 uP! and then mr tan the mad guy came on and he was involved in all the 4 goals i think...

after that was gym training..it wasn't too tiring cus during the match, i was playing on the flanks and for the first half there was hardly any action. only the second half was slightly more action packed for me. therefore, left flank>right flank. so i wasn't tired. and training was fine. i was forced to do pommel horse cus we're supposed to compete all 6 apparatus this yr O_O!

so today was a waste of time in school...the celebrations were absolutely appalling. then i went for an OG lunch at the super expensive pasta mania :( my $9.80........
then after that they were going to watch a movie and i didn't wanna spend anymore money. the gym people were going to orchard to SHOP, so idecided to go home and play computer. free of charge! =D but really......no life....

so now we're having reunion dinner. steamboat! but it wasn't anything special cus we always meet at my grandmas place every saturday. we'll get our hongbaos laterrr =D

dance preparations are appalling. for the guys item, its getting really complicated. some people dont like our choreographer's dance. personally i think its quite nice, but some are reluctant to do some violent shoulder shaking which somehow equates to feminism in their perspective. thennn they started complaining about it and now things're getting ugly. but i think we've done some clearing up to liling, the dance cpt and hopefully things'll get better again. i really hope we cann put up a good performance for dance night!

meanwhile, im not sure of the gym item's progress. the girls are doing the choreographing for most of the part, and hopefully we have lesser dance moves and more flips. wheee.

i think im looking forward to school now, more than i did so in RI. i like the long 1 hour breaks, the icelemon tea, the cool library. yet, i miss the turf, the canteen, kampung istimewa.....haiiiii

OK IM GONA GET MY HONGBAOS NOWWWW BYEBYE

matthew admired God's creations at 8:41 PM [comment]

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Friday, February 04, 2005

HELLO!!!!!!!! i realised why a lot of people are getting attached! they are in love with being in love!!!

check this out, from mr harris:

"i am,by my own admission, a hopeless romantic. if such a thing were possible, i am in love with being in love.

there's nothign else quite like it, and if you've experienced it, you know what i mean. Being in love is a patchwork of a thousand indescribable moments. nervous energy runs through your body whenever yout hink of that special person, which is every waking minute. you lose interest in the dull chores of eating, sleepign and thinking rationally. you discover that every love song on the radio was written for you. it seems that someone has removed blinders from your eyes and you can see the world full of wonder and mystery and happiness.

i love love. but i've come to realize that i dont really know mucgh about it. oh i can tell you all about the warm,fuzzy side of love. ic an throw myself intro romance with all the passion of ROmeo, but in God's schol of true love. i'm afraid im still in kindergarten.

to me and other romantics who share a 'love for 'love., God wants to give us a higher, grander view. he wants to deepen our undesrtanding. Romance can thrill us to our core. but its only a small part of true love. we've been playing in the sandbox, God wants to take us to the beach. "

the aim of the book actually is to redefine love. all along we've been influenced by the world's view of love. Committed, sincere, selfless, responsible - all these words describe God's love.

quite cooooooooooooooool huh....anyway back to everyday, mundane, life. these few weeks have been really busy for me. monday and wednesday nights are gym training, tuesday thursday evenings, saturday mornings are soccer trainings, friday afternoons are for dance................

i was totally poofed this week cuz tuesday there was PE where we did these thigh-intensive exercises and after that i had BEEP TEST FOR SOCCER. thennnnnn wednesday was WEIGHTS training and genius me didn't stretch so im having muscle aches all over. and that night there was gym training. and on thursday was soccer again. and this week, soccer emphasised on fitness cus next week is CNY, so there's no training. im sooo thankful i survivedd this physical and mental ordeal!

im also really thankful for SV, student's venture. its a school-based christian fellowship..we gather every tuesday and thursday mornings, i think in seminar room 3 (to the left of the parade square). its quite cool cus i've never been involved in such a fellowship. i'm really glad for such a fellowship cus i've not been spending enough time with God. SV has given me an opportunity to reconcile with Him, and to give me strength for the day! plus, i hope we can really reach out to our fellow RJ students.

next week is CNY, i really hope i can use this time to take a good rest and reorganize my life. and i need to do some catching up with work, especially the horrible atomic structure thing.....

tomorrow's the soccer match! i'm really excited. i hope i can get to play at least half a match! cheesiong probably will get to play most of the match but i dont want to go all the way to JJC and just watchhhhhhhhh

have a great CNY, everyone! may u have lots of hongbao money! ha

matthew admired God's creations at 7:08 PM [comment]

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